Leaving Childhood

Another milestone day is upon our household. Tomorrow, Monday the 23rd, will be my daughter's 10th birthday. The entering of the double digits, to never go back to the single digits again. As she looks forward to her entering the "tween" years, I look back to her "wee" years.

I knew most of my pregnancy that I was carrying a girl. We did not find out the gender by the ultrasound. I just had a feeling. This pregnancy was much different than my first. After eating my umpteenth pound of fudge, I told my husband that I had to be having a girl, because all I was craving was chocolate. I was also more grumpy, so I knew I had extra estrogen coursing through my body. And this pregnancy was a breeze. I had no extra water weight gain that forced me into bedrest, like I had with the first. I had minimal aches and pains. And to make things even more perfect, she was born exactly on her due date.

I remember that night like it was yesterday. Now I look at her turning 10, and I think to myself, "Where did those years go?" It's gone in the blink of an eye. She's no longer that tiny baby (she WAS our peanut), but is now our young lady. I can't say her personality has changed all that much - she is still as pleasant and easy going as she was as a baby. Her looks haven't changed all that much - still the blue-eyed, blonde beauty with the rosy cheeks and bright smile. But she IS growing up. It's not as cool having mom and dad around all the time. We are so lame when it comes to electronics or music. (Though, funny, we are the ones that have to get the music on her Ipod!). I can embarrass her at the drop of a hat, just by shaking my shoulders to a song in the department store. The best is when I get to drive her and her friends around. I just LOVE singing loudly to songs on the radio. Her friends laugh, she turns red.

Yet, my little girl can still be a little girl. She loves to be read to, to cuddle a stuffed animal, to be in her daddy's arms. Occasionally, she still lets me comb her hair. Sometimes, when I see her walking off in the distance, she just looks so small to me. I know I am grasping onto the last threads of her childhood. One by one they are breaking, leaving me with just a few remaining in my hands. I know these last ties to her parents and childhood won't be broken, but will be taken out of my hands from my daughter herself. She'll want more independence, more of her friendships, less of her family. But I'll keep those threads tucked safely away, because they can always be used when we eventually become cool again. For now, I've got a few more hours before the 10th birthday rolls around. I think I'll go tie some extra knots in those threads.

My Visitor

Did you feel her today? Did you hear her with each passing whirl of wind? Did you see her shadow cross your way? Did you smell her in the air? Did you take the time to notice her presence? Tomorrow she'll be gone. Her freshness, her sparkle, her ability to transform - all gone in the blink of an eye, so short a visit in the realm of time.

People that don't have the pleasure of experiencing the changing of seasons will not understand what I am writing about. Those that have seasons, but those seasons are mild, have a little bit of an idea. In what is usually a bleak time of year for anyone above the Mason Dixon line, today proved to be heaven sent. In a rare showing for early February, spring visited us today. I like to take it more personally and think that she came to say HI to me. Winter is such a low time for me - the grayness, the cold, the wind whipping, trying to reach it's tentacles through the cracks of my windows, the neighbors that I won't see until we are done hibernating. She knows this. She sees it every year. And every year I am sure she visits me to tell me that it's OK, to hang in there just a bit longer. But it's new to me every year, because I never know when she'll be in town. Or for how long, for that matter.

I have felt her the past two days. I knew she was coming for a visit. I am so glad I didn't miss her today. What a great time we had! We drove around together with the windows down, we enjoyed the sun warming our faces. Together we walked around the neighborhood, listening to birds, watching the honey bees, saying Hi to neighbors. She visited with my children, playing basketball with them, following them around in the yard. We spent part of the evening watching the sun setting later than it did yesterday.

And then I felt it. A little chill. I knew she had to go. It's not yet time for her to stay longer, at least not in my part of the world. She had other places to visit. She's taking her time leaving though, parting is such sweet sorrow. I know she'll be back. She visits me every year, and every year I greet her with a smile and warm embrace. We're old friends, you see. I can count on her return year after year. I'll just have to wait a bit longer to see my dear friend again.