The Man Cave

I can only guess that it's every man's dream. After all, commercial after commercial shows the man, gaping and wide-eyed, perhaps drooling slightly, at the big screen, surround-sound set up in the store. He no longer hears what is going on in the outside world. Sometimes he even faints dead away. It's more than he can imagine. Dare I say it ranks right up there with sex?

This past summer we had our basement finished into a game room. We have my grandmother's antique shuffleboard table down there, as well as a ping pong and fuseball table. It's a kid-friendly zone, made to withstand the likes of nerf footballs bouncing off the walls, carpet hockey tournaments, toy playing, or good old fashion wrestling. Two weeks ago, however, that all changed with the installation of the flat screen tv and surround sound speakers. Wrestling must stay within a certain area, and I haven't seen many footballs thrown around down there. The sectional sofa separates the game room from the "TV room". This small sitting/TV area has become...The Man Cave.

More evenings than not, I have felt a rumbling along the floor boards of my first floor. My dog has been barking at unusual noises coming up through the heater vents. My family has been devoured by this white door that is at the end of our hallway, the downward stairwell leading them into another world. I peer into that stairwell which they just traveled, but that world remains dark, with only a faint light snaking it's way to where I stand. I have even called them by name, but I swear I can hear my own voice echoing back. No other sound but the rumble from the speakers is heard. I think they are too far into the cave for me to draw them back. I'll have to wait at the entrance for any signs of life.

With the lack of school this week, and a lighter work schedule, my husband and children have had many late nights in front of the big square frame that hangs on the wall. I have tried to join them on occasion, but not being a huge tv watcher, I find myself watching them and their reactions to the movie when it suddenly sounds like it's all happening right in the same room. I've jumped from my seat just from the sounds emanating from the speakers, not because anything scary was happening on the screen. I did watch an entire movie, minus the part where I fell asleep in the middle. It's easy to fall asleep when the lights are out all the time. I turned the lights on once, not realizing the gravity of my mistake. I merely wanted to see where I was going. I now know why it's called a Man Cave - the lights are never on.

So I took a different approach. I tried to enjoy my new exercise dvd on that set up in the basement. I think it took me just as long to figure out the 4 remote controls and how to get the dvd to show up on the tv screen (after all, I could hear it. I just couldn't see it.), as it did for me to do my workout. I need to keep a sheet of paper down there, just to write down the instructions, the channels on which everything should be, as well as the password for the parent-protected channels. And forget about flipping through the channels. If it's not password-protected, then it's the HD equivalent in some high number that I'll never remember.

Ultimately, I know that the excitement and passion of this new setup with eventually pass. As a family, we just aren't huge tv watchers. This week I've learned that come 8:00, my husband will quietly enter through that white door at the end of the hall, down the stairwell, and make his escape to that darkened, underground world, to a place where loud rumblings and digital media coexist. It's his time to unwind, glaze over, perhaps even drool. As loud as the sound system gets, I know he has tuned out the outside world. If he's not in bed in the middle of the night, I'll know he has fainted dead away. I wonder if one of those remotes can set an alarm?