Friendships

Friendships. They start when we are so young and small. Some last us throughout this great life of ours, and some come and go like the passing of seasons. I am grateful for both of those kinds of friendships, because they have made me into the person I am today.

I have spent the past week watching my children interact with their friends. My 11 year old son "hangs" with his friends. My 9 year old daughter runs to her room with her friends and hardly comes out. My 7 year old son is very physical with his friends - football, wrestling, gun battles, car crashes. These are all friendships that have been made and developed in the past 2 years. But you would never know. Watching them, I would think that they have grown up together from babies to their current age. Each relationship is changing who they are, if even a little bit. Every interaction builds up more of their trust, more of their openness, more of their ability to laugh, love and accept.

I have a lifetime of friendships that I think about often. I think often of my baby-to-college friend, and where she might be now. I run into her now and then, when I am in my hometown. We chat, talk kids, and have to rush on. I think of her often, and wonder why I just don't pick up the phone or a pen and contact her. What's the harm in trying to rekindle an old friendship? The harm is in the pain of maybe having to let go again. The "what if" scenario - what if she doesn't want the friendship any longer, what if we try, and I end up in a one way relationship again? Sometimes friendships are just made to pass away.

I think of the friends I had in elementary school, junior high, high school, and college. My friends made me who I am during those formative years. I played sports with many of them, been in the band with some, spent four years together with the same kids in elementary school, had classes with so many, loved and married my best friend from high school, roomed with 2 of my best friends in college. What is so nice is that I keep in touch with many of them today, via my facebook account. We've caught up with each other's lives after 20 years, all written into a paragraph or two. It's been fun to see the changes in each person. I'm not talking physical, but their jobs, their families, their beliefs - their adult selves. I look fondly upon many of them because they all touched my life in the past and left an imprint on my heart.

I look at my adult friendships - friends I've made while working and while staying at home. The women who have shared in child rearing with me, who have shared in illnesses with me, who have shared in joys as well as sorrows. The friends I've shared meals with, made meals for. The friends I have helped pack boxes and move out of town, and those I've helped unpack their boxes. The friends I have made in my churches, my children's schools, my sport's teams or my children's sport teams - all of these people collectively are shaping me into the person I am today. My adult friendships are teaching me to love sweeter and trust deeper, to open up sooner and listen more intently.

No one can enter this world without making a print in the sand somewhere, without touching the life of at least one person. And like the tide that comes in and covers those prints, friendships are made, washed away, and new ones are formed in their place. It's a natural progression of life. One can be sad over a lost friendship, but must be ready to expect another to jump in it's place. There is a great big world filled with people just waiting to be met! There is no such thing as a stranger. A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet. Be willing to open the door of your heart, because the next stranger you meet could just be your best friend.

The Little Things

It's the little things in life that count. A smile from your spouse first thing in the morning. A hug from your little one at night. Your middle school child still wanting to engage in a conversation with you (just not when the friends are around please!). The tween daughter belting out tunes while listening to her ipod. Spending hours with women who love God. The temperature rising above 32 degrees (woo hoo -that may not be such a little thing). Along those lines, the beauty of a large icicle hanging from your gutter, but with the smallest water drops dripping from it's bottom. Having hair long enough to feel it blow in the wind (I am at that point now!!). Eating M&M's. Finding great sales.

Together, these little things all made my day what it was. But one thing that's not so little will ring louder than the others. Good news from the doctor's office will always make the top of the list, won't it? No matter how great your day is going, if you get a call with bad news, that's what you will remember about that particular day. Likewise, no matter how bad your day is going, one call with great news will turn that day around in a heartbeat. But when the day is already sprinkled with random little treasures, and you get that news that everything is OK, how much larger and sunnier does life become? The noises that bothered you once don't seem so loud today. The cold that pierces your warm winter layers doesn't seem all that bad. The food that had too much fat in it yesterday sure does taste good today. And you see that those random little treasures were not so random afterall, that God has sprinkled the day with those little bits of love and beauty to show me that He's there. He's in the little things. And that's all that matters.

The Life Cycle

My birthday is in a great year, because it is always easy to figure out my age (you know that there are times you forget how old you are too!). 1970 - a nice round figure. This is the last year of my 30's. I thought it would be interesting to see what happened in 1970 compared with where we are today.

Here are just a few interesting facts from the year 1970. The average cost of a new house was $23,450.00, with the average income being $9,400.00. Here's a good one - a gallon of gas was 36 cents! A one carat diamond ring cost $299. Head and Shoulders Shampoo cost 79 cents. A postage stamp was 6 cents. The Dow Jones dropped to 631. The National Debt was $380.9 billion. The inflation rate was 6.5%. Jimi Hendrix died of barbituate overdose. Janis Joplin died from a heroin overdose. The Beatles disbanded. The first New York marathon was run. The first Earth Day was celebrated. Four students were shot and killed in what is known as the Kent State shootings. The voting age is lowered to 18. PBS begins broadcasting. The United States EPA begins operations. Nixon orders US troops into Cambodia. Ninety percent of downtown Corpus Christi, Texas, is destroyed or damaged by hurricane Celia. Ziploc bags are created.

The year 2008 gave us these historical facts. Gas averaged a price of $3.17 a gallon. The stock markets around the world plunged, with the Dow Jones dropping to 370. The US unemployment rate reaches a 14-year high of 6.5%. Median home prices plunged 7.6% to $206,500. The average income (from 2006 - the last year of available information) was $46,996. Stamps are 42 cents. Barack Obama becomes the first Africa-American president-elect. Heath Ledger dies of an accidental overdose. Brad Renfro died of a heroine overdose. The deadliest tornado in 23 years strikes the southern United States, killing 58 people. US troops are still in Iraq. Michael Phelps wins eight Gold Medals in a single Olympics. The Nasa spacecraft Phoenix reaches Mars. The iphone 3G becomes available for purchase.

It's interesting to see that in 39 years, not much has really changed. 1970 (and that decade) saw an oil crisis, high inflation, huge national deficit, natural disasters that ruined American cities, war, violence, death due to drugs. It also made great strides when the EPA began, with awareness of the importance of taking care of our earth with the first Earth Day, PBS begins (what mother could not live without PBS and their daily run of Sesame Street and similar children's programming), and the ever popular ziplock bag. 2008 saw an oil crisis, financial crisis and recession, a huge national deficit, natural disasters, war, death due to drugs. It also made great strides with the historical election of an African-American for president, in the scientific world of space, the invention of the iphone (a little more technologically saavy than ziplock bags, but EVERYONE can use a ziplock bag!). With every negative that our country has withstood, it has been counteracted with a positive invention or event.

I look back over my life and wonder how I have changed over 39 years. I don't have a google page that I can just look up all the statistics of my life. What negatives have been or are counteracted by the positives??? My looks haven't changed all that much - I look older, and I fill out my clothes a little more. But that's because I bore three beautiful children who are turning my hair gray. I am less patient than in my youth, but I am more knowledgeable and wise. I am still naive in many ways, but I still look for the inheritant good in people. I am still an introvert, but that makes me a better listener.

Life goes full circle, doesn't it? We see today many of the same problems that were around at the time of our births. In-between have been good times and bad times. There is always war, there is always natural disaster, there is always violence. And yet there is always the birth of something greater, something new, something beyond what we could have comprehended. We have the comfort in returning to the familiarity of what we have known, whether we like it or not. It just happens.

First Snow & Letting Go

Wow - the first big snow of this winter. It is hard to believe that we are almost two weeks into January, with this being the first to show for it. We've had a few ice storms, but one really can't get out there and play on the solid, slippery ground, let alone build anything.

We had six inches of snow fall this past weekend between Friday night and Saturday evening. It was beautiful to see (knowing that I didn't have to get out there and transport anyone anywhere!). The kids went outside to sled and play around 11:00 Saturday morning. I puttered around in my pajamas until about noon on Saturday, then showered and dressed for the day. I planned the wardrobe according to what I thought I would be doing that day - playing in the snow with my kids. I wore my thermal cuddle duds underneath a pair of heavy-duty sweatpants, I wore a turtleneck underneath of a fleece sweatshirt, and I wore a pair of thicker, crew socks. I was excited at the thought of trying out my new snowpants that I got for Christmas (I guess Mike was tired of seeing me in my neon blue pair that I wore back when I skiied - another lifetime ago, another blog).

I puttered around the house some more - doing a jigsaw puzzle that the kids and I started earlier in the week, getting on the computer, knitting a sock that I started over Christmas, reading a little. I decided to have lunch, thinking that the kids would come tearing in through the garage any minute and ask, "When are you and dad coming out to play?" About an hour after lunch, Mike decided he was going to take Sophie (the dog) for a walk up to the park and see what the boys were up to, since we hadn't seen them in awhile. I muttered an OK, and puttered around the house some more.

I realized that I was trying to find things to do, because not one of my children came back to get us to play outside. Avery was out with the girls, and I wasn't even sure where. The boys were out with about 20 others kids from the neighborhood sled riding on the ice (which we didn't find out until AFTER Mike's visit to the park). And I had no one to play with. My children didn't turn to mommy and daddy first to go out and play, like they used to. We heard, "going out now, see you later" and they were gone. I didn't have to get anyone's boots on, didn't have to find the missing glove, or didn't even have to yell, "Don't forget your hat!" Just gone.

I don't know what it is about that first significant snowfall of the winter, but it brings the child out in everyone. Parents riding on sleds, barreling down hills they probably shouldn't be. Parents that turn shoveling into igloo making. Parents that start a snowball fight. This time, however, we were two parents who watched from the inside (after Mike's visit to the park, falling on the ice and hurting his neck, his outdoor fun was done). I DID get to make several mugs of hot chocolate, as the boys and some friends came back here to warm up. I did not see my daughter until dusk that day. It's a rite of passage though. They are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing - growing up, becoming independent while growing their friendships. As their mom, I delight in seeing it, yet it's painful to let go. I guess with the next snowfall, I will have to be the one who gets dressed first and ask the kids to go out and play. Otherwise, I may be stranded at the window, watching them go off their separate ways. I guess I could still get the hot chocolate ready.

An Advocate

'We Are...' Those of us living in Happy Valley follow those words with '...Penn State!' However, tonight 'We Are' means something completely different to this PSU alum. I received an email today from the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. In big blue letters scrawled across the home page is 'We Are'. But underneath of those letters follow words more endearing than 'Penn State'. The words are, 'Making a Difference in the Fight Against Cystic Fibrosis.'

I am an advocate for the Cystic Fibrosis foundation. Every now and then, the foundation will email those of us who wish to receive the advocate emails, and request that we write to our elected officials. This time the foundation wants us to speak out for Cystic Fibrosis and tell Congress to vote for Children's Health Care. Next week, Congress begins to debate the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP), a vital program that provides health coverage for over 4 million children, including many children with Cystic Fibrosis. When children with CF have health coverage, they are more likely to get the regular treatments they need to live long and healthy lives.

What a simple act. It took me all of five minutes to read the standard letter and add my experience (and my family's) with CF. I typed in a few details of my demographics, then hit send. Immediately, the email letter was sent to three of my elected officials. I am glad it went automatically, because I am embarrassed to admit that I would not have known who to send it to had I had to send it myself. I guess that's why the demographics information was needed. The Government Affairs group of the CFF thinks of everything. Type your zip code, and the email will be delivered to the elected officials of your area. The hard work was taken out of the task.

Five minutes can make a huge difference in the lives of so many people - children and adults - living daily with CF. I may never know the impact those 300 seconds had on the lives of the thousands of people affected by CF. But I will know the difference it plays in the life of my niece, my sister's family, and the rest of our family. You don't have to be a direct relative of a person with CF to write to your congressman. If you would like to spend your next five minutes typing and clicking, email me. I would love to share the email with you. Together, with the CFF, we are adding tomorrows every day.

Ice and Salt

Right now, I am sitting on my loveseat, listening to two conflicting sounds. One is the ice outside pelting against the windows. The other is the sound of a waterfall (it's actually my aquarium that is a little low in water, so it IS a mini waterfall). I am layered in clothes - turtleneck and fleece sweatshirt, cuddle dud pants and jeans, socks and slippers. What I really long for is not the clothing that goes with the first sound, but the clothing (or lack of) that would go with the second sound. Add to the water sound a little breeze and the smell of salt air, and I am transported to the beach, where I can believe that the warmth I am feeling from my layers of clothes is from the sun warming my skin. I can believe that the low lighting of my family room is the sunset I am watching from the deck of the beach house. The sound of the ice against the windows, well maybe that is a short passing storm of warm rain.

I absolutely love the beach. I had gone a time or two as a child. It wasn't until I was married that my soul yearned for the sounds, the warmth, the smells of the beach. We had started going yearly when our oldest was a little over a year old. We've tried various places - some in New Jersey, different ones in North Carolina. I found that I didn't enjoy the northern shores as much, because 1: the water is much colder, even in August or September, and 2: the weather is much colder, even in August or September.

I am a southern beach girl, if only by heart. I've never lived anywhere but Pennsylvania, though I have tried many different cities within the state. But there is something about the south that tugs at my heart. Definitely right up at the top of the list is the weather. I love hot and humid weather. I don't care if my hair sags, I sweat all day, or my make-up runs. I am at my most happiest when the weather is hot. I also love the way southerners talk. Did you ever notice how easy it is for a northener to "pick up" a southern accent after just a conversation with someone from the south? My children know when I have been talking with a dear friend, now living in PA, but hailed from Georgia. I pick up some of her drawl, and it takes me a little while to get back to my own brand of language.

All this being said, nothing tops the smell of salt air. Always, regardless of the time of our arrival, the first thing I do when we get to the beach house is run to the deck, close my eyes, and just inhale. There is something so cleansing, so calming about the sea air. It alleviates the aches and pains of sitting in the van for hours on end, it alleviates any allergy symptoms we may have (is there any scientific proof for this??), it unites us in a way that nothing up north can do. I've tried to pass this simple, yet powerful act on to my children. My oldest gets it. The others will learn.

Our yearly trek is more than just a vacation for us. It's a soul restorer for me, reaching my innermost depths. It warms my heart as well as my skin. It's a time where I feel like "I'm home". I can actually feel it calling to me, even now, midway through the winter, and I yearn to answer back. It's almost alive, as if breathing life into me with each crashing wave. Mike has suggested heading west on a trip, maybe to the Rockies. Or maybe go North, to New England. I'm fine with that, but not in place of the beach. It's too much of who I am, and I cannot let it go.

When I stop typing and look around the room, I realize that I am in PA in January, surrounded by ice and layers of clothing, where the sun sets long before dinner (I don't even think I can tell you what a January sunset in PA looks like. I will have to watch it the next time the sun comes out), and the air is crisp and smelling of frozen earth. But I was transported "home", even for a brief moment, and my heart has a little skip to it now. I think I will begin planning our trip, so I can call back "I'm coming".

Machine vs. Human

I am typing this blog on my new laptop. It was not quite a Christmas present, but a gift from my husband nonetheless, purchased in addition to the new laptop he purchased himself for work. I guess it's not a new laptop, as I never had an old one, but it's new to me.

It is a little hard to get used to. It is a mini laptop, but it has more power than my traditional desktop computer. Already, I have had to backspace and erase several typing errors. If I rest my hands on the edge of the computer like I am used to doing on my traditional keyboard, then the cursor skips to regions unknown. I spent just about 24 hours trying to gain internet access, which my husband finally conquered after talking with his "computer guy" via the phone all afternoon. (Do I dare tell him that my desktop computer now no longer has the wireless internet access?? At least we would be conversing, instead of both of us stuck in our machines). Since I couldn't gain internet access yesterday (the day the computers arrived), I played games to try and master the touch pad. I think I have that down pretty well, and the kids know how to play pinball on the computer.

I love it though. I feel like a kid on Christmas who plays with their new toys all day long. I've carried this little thing from room to room, checking emails, facebook, and reading news online. I even went so far as to comment that if we weren't such a family-oriented unit, that I could see us cancelling our newspaper subscription and reading the news online each morning. We could cancel all of our magazine subscriptions, thus reducing our carbon footprint, and subscribe online to those we truly want. I can see me going to coffee shops or Wegman's with my laptop, sitting there enjoying a hot chocolate (not a coffee fan here!) and doing "work", just because I now can. In essence, I would have my nose stuck to the screen all day long. It's easy to see how society really has become technologically dependent, and personal relationships are taking a back seat. I just couldn't see us all sitting at the breakfast island, reading our laptops and not conversing. If I subscribed to online magazines, how would I rip out all of those recipes or good workout hints? And what would I do with my current stack of ripped out articles?

It's going to take some good hard disciple on my part to get my work and exercising done, as well as my quiet time in, before I turn this little machine on. Maybe that will make me work all that much faster and harder. After all, I want to be mom when the kids come home, and not have to text them 'Hello' as they walk in the door.

Resolutions

It's a new year! With that is expected to be new beginnings from everyone, right? I guess that's the case with many people. Yet here I sit, puttering away on the computer, doing the same things I do everyday (perhaps even more so, since I am taking down Christmas decorations, washing Christmas blankets and towels, cleaning up Christmas presents that still linger under the tree, washing Christmas dishes and cookie platters). It's hard to start new habits and resolutions when the first day of the year is a holiday. Who wants to work on the holiday??

I always start out the year with good intentions. I've been sitting in my workout clothes since I got up this morning (at 10:30, mind you!). I've yet to workout. I'll do it though, and I have a time constraint as well, since the Rose Bowl comes on at 5:00. Plenty of time yet to exercise. One of my recurring resolutions is to be "Fit by 40". I've got plenty of time to do that, seeing as I don't turn 40 until 2010. However, I really want to try to establish the good routines and habits NOW, rather than waiting until next year. At least, that's what I say every January 1st. But now it's getting to be that I'm running out of January 1sts in which to say that.

I always intend to spend more time in prayer and reading my bible. Last year was a start, as I began a program which allots 16 weeks in which to read through the bible. I started in September with the hopes of finishing by the end of the year. I am in week six. However, with this new beginning, I am going to finish the last 10 weeks in this next 10 weeks. Maybe I'll start that tomorrow, because today is a holiday, and there are many college football games on afterall. How can I concentrate on the word of God with screaming fans in the background? (I can't ask my husband or youngest son to turn off the game so I can study). And who couldn't spend more time in prayer? But the prayer I want to spend time in is on my knees, giving my all to God, not as I clean the house or drive the kids around town.

I want to take better care of my health. It's not just in the sense of exercising, but in my overall well-being. I guess most moms in general tend to put themselves last on the list of getting things tuned, removed, checked, poked and prescribed. Two years ago I was very diligent in getting skin checks and having moles removed, as I have many covering my body. I can't say I've kept up with that this past year at all. I'm overdue for my allergist appointment. My epipens have expired, and I've suffered with sinus problems for the past three months due to allergy symptoms. I tend to stretch out my chiropractic appointments longer than I should, as I tend to think that I don't need them that often. Then I bend or move in a way that keeps me bent over for a week, needing multiple visits per week to get me to a standing position. Not good.

I also want to spend time catching up on projects, starting new projects, or simply reading for enjoyment. Those kinds of things lower stress levels and blood pressure, so I can say that this is for my health. I did a little of that last year - got some picture albums caught up, though I have a new stack of pictures to put in. I started to catch up the kids' scrapbook albums, but realized that I needed pictures off of the computer from 5 years ago in order to continue. The next logical project would be to go through the pictures on the computer, organize them into years and events, and burn them onto a CD. I keep putting that off because we have so many pictures on the computer that it overwhelms me as to where to even begin. I did manage to update my ipod. I went six months with the same 40 songs on my ipod, until the week after Christmas where I took the time to rip songs off of the many cds we own, then download them for my listening pleasure. Check one thing off of the list. My bedroom needs painting. We've lived in this house for three years now and still have that lovely coat of flat eggshell on the walls that was there when the house was built. The room is so large, though, that I know it will take me a week or more to finish that project. Maybe, if I at least pick out a color, I'll feel like I'm halfway to accomplishing that task. I'm even thinking now that I can frame out our basement myself. We want to finish about two-thirds of our basement, and the estimate we got to do this seems very high to me. I have an idea on how to do this, after talking to my dad about it, plus I have a book to show me how. How fun would this be to accomplish a task like this? Then I go down into our basement, which is infested with toys, storage clutter, and who knows what else, and I think..."Where would I even begin?"

I can see why so many New year's resolutions fail after a week or a month. It's just too overwhelming to keep this kind of "To Do" list. I'm beginning to see that no matter how many tasks, projects or appointments I manage to check off of my list, the list will never grow smaller. Life continues on, and so do the tasks. Something else will come up to fill the space. So instead of making resolutions this year, I am just going to agree to do what I can each day and let the rest go. That, in and of itself, will be a major accomplishment for me, as I am an organizer, a type A personality when it comes to the "list". But if I live my life by lists that don't seem to ever be completed, where and how do I fit in fun, family, leisure, pleasure, enjoyment, relaxation, or whatever it is that my resolutions are "forcing" me to do? And how can I confine God to a list? I don't want to make God one more thing I check off on my list. No more resolutions for me. No more making myself do something for the sake of keeping the resolution. If you ask me what my New Year's resolution is, you'll likely receive an answer that I resolve not to resolve. Happy New Year!